None Of The Above

In the movie Brewster’s Millions, Montgomery Brewster (played by Richard Pryor) inherits 30 million dollars that he must spend in thirty days without acquiring any assets. If he is successful, he will receive his real inheritance of 300 million. But according to the terms of the will, if he fails at this task, “You don’t get diddly!”

Brewster, who is a struggling minor league baseball player, comes up with an ingenious plan to accomplish his goal. He will run a campaign for mayor of New York City, spending all of his resources to try and sway the election. And whom does he recommend that people vote for? “None of the above.”

Spending millions on flashy advertisements and infomercials, Brewster is successful in getting more votes for “none of the above” than the other two crooked candidates receive. The result: A new election is scheduled, and both candidates say they will not run again. It may seem like a far-fetched idea, but it made for some interesting entertainment.

Now, here we are some twenty years after that movie came out, and I’m beginning to think that “none of the above” sounds like a pretty good idea in this year’s presidential election. I mean let’s face it, it looks like our choices have been limited to three people: Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m tired of voting for the candidate who I think will be the “least bad.”

Of course, I could just stay at home and not go to the polls. I’ve heard some of my fellow conservative Christians say that they will not vote if they are unhappy with the candidates on the ballot. But if I do that, I’m sending the signal that I don’t really care one way or the other about this presidential election. I’ve been given the privilege to vote, and I’m not going to waste that opportunity just because I’m disgruntled over the choices.

Then there’s always the option I mentioned earlier, to hold my nose and vote for the candidate who I believe is the “least smelly.” And to be honest, I’ve had to do that a lot in my lifetime. But I’ve always been able to find somebody who, although I wasn’t completely satisfied with them, I could half-heartedly support in the end. And I’m not saying that won’t happen again this year when November rolls around, but right now I don’t feel that way at all.

And then there is option number three, the Ann Coulter option. Ann suggests that conservative voters should vote for the Democrat because after four years, they’ll get the blame for the disastrous results. If McCain wins the election, it will still be a disaster, but the Republicans will take the blame and we’ll have thirty years of Democratic control in D.C.

Now Ann’s a lot smarter than me, and definitely knows a lot more big words than I do, but I can’t jump on her bandwagon either. I could not, with a clear conscience, cast my vote for either Hillary Rodham Clinton or Barack Hussein Obama. That’s one decision I don’t even have to think long and hard about.

So what can a guy like me do? Do I have a fourth option? Is there a way to let my voice be heard without compromising my principles, doing nothing, or holding my nose as I vote?

I believe there may be. Why can’t we disillusioned voters do something that will make a statement concerning how we feel about the current crop of presidential possibilities? I propose that we write-in our votes, but not for a person. I’m thinking more and more about writing in “none of the above” on my ballot.

Now I realize that “none of the above” has about as much chance of winning the election as Britney Spears has of winning the “Mother of the Year” award, but I still think it’s a good idea. If enough people would come together and write-in “none of the above,” the networks would have to give it some airtime. And I think that would send a much louder and clearer message to the politicians than simply staying home and not voting at all.

So, what do you think? Is there anybody out there who will join with me and write-in “none of the above?”