Now it all makes sense. Now I can see how wrong I’ve been. Now I can stop all the ranting I’ve done about the myth of man-made global warming and start working to reduce the effects of my personal carbon footprint by going to Al Gore’s website and buying some carbon credits. There’s no denying it: I’m a changed man.
Forget the fact that there are scores of credible scientists who have risked their reputations, their funding, and even their careers by saying that the idea of man-made global warming is a questionable hypothesis. Forget the fact that the polar ice caps on Mars are melting without one single sport utility vehicle filling the atmosphere with “dangerous” CO2 emissions. Forget the fact that the earth has gone through periods of warming and cooling throughout its history. And forget the fact that Buenos Aires has just experienced their first snowfall in 89 years and Johannesburg last week had the first snow they have seen since 1981.
None of those things matter anymore. This past Saturday, the entire global warming discussion was permanently transformed. The debate over climate change has been brought to an end.
Let me be the first to apologize for my past denials of the reality of man-made global warming. If I had known then what I know now, things would have been quite different. I would have voted for Al Gore in 2000. I would have protested outside the White House and gone on a hunger strike until President Bush signed off on the Kyoto Protocol. I would have limited my toilet paper usage to one square in an effort to do my part to save the planet (Sheryl Crowe is a lot smarter than I gave her credit for). I would have given up my gas guzzling Dodge pick-up in exchange for a 1987 Yugo converted to run on recycled vegetable oil.
Alas, my earlier transgressions are ever before me. And yet, I can’t undo the past. All I can do is, starting with the man in the mirror, begin to make a change (thanks to Michael Jackson for giving me the words to express myself). So here I am: the new Shane Lambert.
What has changed my mind, you ask? I thought that was obvious.
This past weekend, Snoop Dogg said that global warming is bad. If that doesn’t settle it, I don’t know what will.
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5 comments:
Even if a person didn't pick up my sarcasm, the mention of me going on a hunger strike should have sent up red flags with readers who know me.
Sorry George. I would have responded to point that out earlier but I was laughing so hard that I fell backwards in my chair and I just regained consciousness. :)
I was wondering why you hadn't weighed in. Hope you're all right.
Please know that, just like your tardiness, I can't be held responisble for injuries incurred while reading my blog.
I'm thinking of suing George Bush - since he is ultimately responsible for the global warming which led to your blog.
I'm sure Harold Dershowitz will be glad to take your case.
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